Hi boys and girls, and greetings from Glen Rose, Texas, home of the dinosaurs...and a really screwed-up bunch of people. I may have more on the really screwed-up people thing, later, but first...a word from our sponsor...
Hey, yall, take a wild guess as to my good news...go ahead, take a guess...no, really...for cryin' out loud, would ya guess already??? i have been declared permanently damaged...er, ugh, disabled !!! I have been awarded my disability, and can now attempt to begin life anew...ain't that a jab in the ass ???
In the past two weeks I have received word that I will start receiving disability payments, not to mention a settlement (told you not to mention it...ssshhh...). I have been at this thing since March of '06. Do far, I will receive back-payment to July of '08, which is better than a poke in the ass with a sharp stick, but is hardly anything to howl at the moon about. When you take into account all the worrying, the doing-without, and just day-to-day...sameness that one goes through, it hardly seems worth it.
It is difficult to describe the deprivation, the...doing-without, that you deal with on a daily basis. Things that your average person deems as necessities of life, become luxuries, when you are going through the bitch that is the Social Security Disability system . The damage this does to the ego, the self-esteem cannot be repaired by the act of finally being 'awarded' a thing that has so thoroughly consumed ones every waking moment. Everything you do is dependent on how you feel, depending on ones claim of disability. And so everything you 'wish' to do is dependent on getting IT !!! This has a way of reducing the 'get-ee' to a state of perpetual...waiting.
Well, I'm tired of waiting. I have though long and hard about what I want to do, and I have decided that I want to live !!! Specifically, I want to live somewhere besides Glen Rose, Texas !!! If there has ever been that defining moment when a person sees what possibilities that might lay before him, or her, I have had such a moment.
For some time , I have been just and observer, of things happening, and usually to others. It has been a long time since I was an active participant. In a small town, which IS Glen Rose, it becomes WAY too comfortable. Towns like the one in-which I live, are simply...rest homes, for those who, for whatever reason, have given up on life, and are in hot pursuit of...death, by monotony !!! They are just going through the motions of living, marking time by the Sunday TV guide, in the area newspaper.
I started noticing this sometime ago, at a friends general/convenience store. This one woman, 50'ish, over-weight, pasty-skinned and brain-dead, would come in on Sunday morning for the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram, and automatically (as in automaton) search for the TV guide. This poor, mentally vacant person, under-exercised, and over-medicated, needed a TV guide like a third tit. The idea that she would take advantage of the ten thousand (yea, i exaggerate...a bit) channels available was amusing, since she most likely never made it past 'Dancing On The Bars', or whatever reality (?) show she preferred, 'I Love Lucy' reruns. I made a secrete vow to avoid that fate like the proverbial plague!!!
Okay, so where am I going with all this??? Well...I ain't gonna tell, ynaaaa!!! Actually, just a few days ago, I signed-up for the President's AmeriCore Program !!! That's right, yall, i found the site on the internet...thing, and I have made an application to become a volunteer...for whatever I may be fit to ...volunteer...for !!! As i said, you can either sit back and be a passive observer, or an active participant, in life. I have decided that I wish to be participant !!!
I realize that tis sounds all warm and gooey, and that I may NOT be fit for...volunteering. But to not try is not an option any longer. At 54 years, I have a finite time-frame in which to be of benefit to others, and I am determined to do just that. I have no idea when, or even how I am going to do this, but i figure God is going to lend an ample hand in this. It is what i will be praying for, from now on. If I do not do this now, at this time of life, I never will...and I will end my days, going to my friends store, looking through the Sunday paper for the friggin' TV guide...