I had a wonderful experience this morning. I have to say, after a morning of half..assed attempts at screwing up everything I touched, I managed to screw up with amazing...simplicity.
After inserting fresh batteries in my atomic clock and setting time, date, ect., ect., I stood on a kitchen chair next to the dining room table to hang it on the wall between two adoring photos of yours...truly..no, really. i was just stepping off the chair onto the kitchen floor when disaster struck, and in a most...unfortunate place.
It seems my ever-lovin' ass-crack drew deadly aim at the target it had drawn (think it's not possible???, you don't know me !!!) on the top of the back of the kitchen chair !!! Now if I had taken even minimal care in getting down from the chair, things would have taken a different course, and i wouldn't be writing this !!!
But, I'm the kinda guy who, when finished with a job well done...well, it's Miller Time, boys and girls, and there is not a moment to lose !!! Well, I, feeling all manly from having actually DONE something (those who know me know this doesn't happen often, and is something to at least pay passing notice of ), well, manly, I hopped down from the chair...and straddled the back of the chair with a precision that would be the envy of even the most seasoned equestrian...and even a few stunt men !!!
I hit the edge of that son-of-a-bitch dead-on, so to speak. A sound seldom hear this side of the Himalayas, well up inside me (stop laughing), and burst forth out of my mouth with a force, and volume few men are capable of. It's not easy to grab your ass, walk, crawl, cry, holler and take God's name in vain all at the same time. But I did, and a lot more besides. I may well have set a world's record of foul epithets, and many of the more than once...or twice !!!
Certainly there is nothing, in my humble experience like having your butt-cheeks separated by the back of a kitchen chair, to completely alter your perception of life and to question a person's inborn need to hang atomic clocks...